I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize