Did you just see the Batmobile???
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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