the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
