BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
