This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
