mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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