my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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