Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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