Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
