you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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