Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
someone owes me an orgasm
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
