I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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