So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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