man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
