I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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