the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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