If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
