id be glad to
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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