Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
