I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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