Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
