Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
