everyone is single if you try hard enough
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
