hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
