I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
