Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
