How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
