I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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