True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
