Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
