Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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