The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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