I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
