my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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