I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
