Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
