Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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