i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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