Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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