Only a mothe r could love this liver
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
