maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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