I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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