So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
