You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
