I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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