Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
