I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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