My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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