We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
