I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
