I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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