Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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