I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
