I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
