she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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