remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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