hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
