i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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