Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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