He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My cat gives me a boner
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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