Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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