you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I yelled at your uterus for you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
