my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
