AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
