my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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